Being confronted with one’s own mortality, awakens things inside that you don’t easily show outside. Fact: my mom is dying. Can I do anything about it? No. A few months ago, she still baked me a ‘piesang and wortelkoek’ (carrot cake) in my oven and now, now she just lies there. A small frame that carried 6 children’s battles, dreams and hearts. Growing up wasn’t easy. Having her as my mom, made it easier. Rephrase: having her as my mom made growing up a school where we learnt about life, love and getting back on that horse no matter what it took.
She fought for her children and when things were tough, she made plans. She taught me many things, even now lying there not responding, she teach me to use every given opportunity. She teaches me to be strong, to know that when you breathe, to call each and every moment that matters. To call moments where it hurts and to call moments where we learn through laughter and sadness, to face reality and to call every situation for what it is.
My mom jumped in the pool when we dared her to race us in a 50m sprint in the town’s swimming pool when we were 11 and yes, back then she won. She was the lady that baked her heart out and when the church bizarre called for hands to help, she was there. Mom told us to never ever shy away from a challenge. Tackling things that might challenge us head on. This Vrystaat tannie will leave a legacy in my heart. She can look back and say that ALL her children; Jenny, Alta, Anita, Stefan, Ani and myself are people she can be proud of.
When she decide to leave us, it will be good. When she draws her last breath she will know that she had a life worth living and that she can be proud of all that she will be leaving behind. I will miss you mom when that moment arrives. I will cry, my heart will break and I will struggle to get through my personal milestones without you. One thing that I will remember, is to #callthemoment, to acknowledge things for what they are and while you are still breathing my moedertjie, to love you forever until Jesus come to take you home. For now, for the last seconds, minutes, hours, weeks and months we will have with you, you are my mom and you are alive, and I #callthismoment and savour you being here, alive and with us. Love you lots! Janthinus